I was hearing a lot of hype about this book and understanding our relationships as adults. So it got put on my must read list. And I'm glad I did.
Attachment theory originated with observing children and their attachment to their caregivers. They found that children fell into three categories: secure attached, preoccupied or anxious attached, and avoidant attached. When they began to apply the same concept to adult interpersonal relationships, they found the same three attachment styles.
What does this mean? It means that you may be able to figure out your attachment style and understand how that affects your relationships - either positively or negatively. The authors of this book, Amir Levine, MD, and Rachel S.F. Heller, MA, pose that knowing this can help you find mates that will match or compliment your attachment style if you are single or even help you and your current partner be able to understand each other in a new way and be able to communicate on how to get both of your needs met if they aren't being met already.
The whole premise behind making relationships work is that we attach automatically to the people in our lives but that attachment isn't always healthy if each individual's needs are not being met.
The book is well worth the read to understand yourself and either your current partner or future partners. For those in the dating world, it encourages you to speak your needs as you will quickly find out those potential partners that will be able to meet your needs or not - and waste less time with those that won't or can't meet your needs. The book also shares examples of how current partners can work together to get needs met even if at the outset it looks complicated or nearly impossible.
The biggest thing they stress is effective communication. Note the word effective. There are a lot of boundaries for communication to be effective (no sarcasm, no belittling, stay on topic, etc.). The authors lay out a way to walk yourself through how to express your needs so that you can eliminate the ineffective parts of your own communication before presenting to your partner.
If you are finding difficulties in your relationship, a couples counselor can help. Don't be afraid to reach out for help; relationships are complicated and it can take an unbiased therapist to help sort through the communication.
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