We've talked a lot about coping skills that you can do. Another type of coping skill is having a mantra. Sometimes these mantras are focused on feelings of calm and using words that are simple like 'peace' or 'faith.' However, phrases can also be mantras.
One of the ways mantras work is by associating a feeling or concept with the word or phrase. 'It is what it is' is a phrase that is used often. What does it mean though?
It means that you can't control everything. Pandemic happening when you would really like to go out to eat? It is what it is. Time to make something at home or order take out. You can't change the circumstances.
Sometimes this can apply to things in the past. Stole from your parents when you were younger and admitting to it now? Maybe you paid them back to make it right, but they still won't talk to you? It is what it is. You tried your best, it's up to them to take the next step.
Some people I've encountered really hate this phrase. Why? Because it assumes powerlessness. And we hate not have power or control, especially of things that affect our own life. So saying "it is what it is," sometimes makes us feel as though we are giving up power.
But in case you didn't realize, there is so little we have power or control over. So really, the phrase 'it is what it is' is really a recognition and acceptance of what we do not have control over. It's not giving up anything. It's taking back control of our understanding of reality; it's owning acceptance over how things are, even if we don't like them. There's a lot of power in that.
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