I've heard complaints about it from clients. I've heard jokes about it in my personal life. The catch phrase of therapists 'How does that make you feel?'
'How do you think that makes me feel?' said with irritation is a common retort. And was initially my go-to retort as well. But seriously, your therapist needs to know it that situation, trigger, statement, whatever it was they are asking about, made you feel. Why?
We all have different reactions. Our reactions are based on our experiences, things we learned growing up or living our life. Let's say for instance someone says, 'What's up?' To one person, that could be a very neutral question, basically a casual greeting on par with 'Hey.' This wouldn't elicit much of an emotional reaction either way. To another person, that could be a very interrogative question paired with an assumption that something is wrong. This person may feel attacked and irritated if not angry by the question.
Once your therapist knows how YOU responded to the trigger, it helps them put more to your story; not only for them, but for you as well. It helps unfold the many layers of yourself as a person especially if your therapist is able to help you dive into why something that is neutral for someone else elicits such an intense reaction in you.
To be clear: Your intense reaction is not wrong. It just might be different. It's you. It doesn't mean it has to change. But therapy is also about understanding yourself and understanding why you react and do things a certain way. Questioning more about these reactions helps you be able to do that.
The takeaway: Be honest about your reactions and feelings. Your therapist isn't asking it just to fill the space. The question has a huge purpose in therapy for your self growth.
And if you are reading this wondering why your therapist DOESN'T ask you these things.... well, if they are like me, we realize that people who have been in therapy may actually be triggered by this question at this point. Maybe your therapist asks 'How did you react to that?' or 'What were you feeling in that moment?' or sometimes I slide right next to the question and ask 'What are your thoughts about that?' or 'What did that do to you?' The point is, your therapist is very curious about your emotions.
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